We had our Ultrasound today and we found out today that the baby died. At first the nurse only saw the yolk sac and the uterus was even smaller than last week. So based on that she thought the egg never fertilized and there never was an actual baby. But she called the doctor in , which happened to be my doctor and she said that there would not be a yolk sac without an embryo, the baby died at 6 weeks. So because it could take my body up to 3 or 4 weeks to miscary i am going to take medication to make me misacrry within 48 hours. But i am not going to take it til prob monday.
Josiah hasn't been able to communicate his feelings much to me other than sadness and shock. I am actaully handling it much differently than before. I really dont feel like I have the emotional energy at this point to grieve as deeply as i did with Jasmine. Although I dont know what will come as this process moves forward. And from last wednesday when we found out that there might be a problem again, I was very angry, but the next day God asked me to hope instead of prepare for the worst, and ever since I have had peace, regardless of what happened. That peace even carried over into today when we got our news. I know God is still in control, and even though I am surprised that he thinks we can handle this on top of every thing else, He has got to have some purpose, and therefore I have no other choice to walk thru this to accomplish his purposes.
After the preganacy is officially over and my hormones are back to normal they will start a flurry of blood tests to determine what is wrong with my body, it could be something that is very common such as a blood disorder that clots and treats the baby like a clot, and kills it off. If that is the case then while trying to get pregnant again I would have to take baby tylonel every day to thin my blood, then once I am pregant give myself shots in the stomach every day till the birth. But if all the blood testing doesn't show anything, they will do genetic testing in me, then Josiah.
Telling Arwyn was really difficult, she doesnt understand death, and heaven, and why. But she understood that I was sad and that the baby "brother" she was so excited for was not coming after all. It broke our hearts to have that conversation.
Anyways wanted to let you know what was going on. Thank you for your prayers for us as we continue to walk thru this time of uncertainty and trials. Don't be afriad to call or talk with us about any of this if you want to, and we certainly want to know what's going on in your lives so we can rejoice or whatvere with you, regardless of what ours looks like. With Jasmine I needed space and privacy and i just recently started emerging from that. I dont feel like I need this time, I feel like I am swimming in Gods grace. So dont fear talking and asking and being involved in our lives any more than normal. Love you all,
Heidi for Josiah too
6 comments:
Praying with you.
Hadn't read your blog in a couple months - so sorry to hear all the tough things you all have been going through....you are in my thoughts and prayers and let me know if you all need anything!
Kym
I'm so sorry Heidi. I will continue to pray that God's will and grace will abound in this situation. Stay true to every emotion and I hope that the Dr. is swift in finding the cause. May you continue to be at peace and know we are praying for you. xox
-Tiffiny
We are praying for God's peace to continue to flood your hearts and minds, and that His Spirit will give you the courage and faith you need in this time in your life. And may the Hope we have in Christ Jesus give us all comfort.
Today we were reading in the Psalms together and this portion of Psalm 13:15 (NIV) made me think of our second grandbaby we will not meet this side of heaven: "My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body."
Our God is the God Who Sees and your baby/our grandbaby is safe with Him.
LOVE and HUGS across the miles,
Mama (for Daddy too) 2800 miles away in Mitla, Oaxaca, Mexico.
Thank you for opening up and sharing your life with us. Praying alongside you.
I have been thinking about you and your family since your last loss. Praying that God would be there for you in more ways then you could imagine. I am so sorry for your second loss and there are no words that I can say that can heal that pain. I am so glad that you have been able to find peace and hope in your heavenly father. Please know that you and your family are truly unconditionally loved and cherished by many. You will daily be in my prayers. Lots of love!
Post a Comment