This is something I thought through and wrote October 27, 2003 (4 years ago). Its amazing how much my time is spent focused on this very thing, since then. Writing this has helped give me a focus and filter for how I spend my time, since it is as fast as a blink.
I desire to decrease as Christ increases; to infiltrate the lives of others with the kindness Christ has shown me. As a living testimony to this, my life will bring Him glory. With His passion and grace given me I will counsel others and encourage them to mature into people who long to move forward in their relationship with Christ Jesus. My vision is to mentor and buld up hurting women and play a part in shaping them in strength and godliness.
do you have one? what is it?
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Delores
You should know by now that I am going on a trip to Colombia in January with 5 other women, to build relationships and encourage women affected by prostitution.
A few weekends ago we had a training in SF. We were dropped off in the "tenderloin" district,for exposure and team training experience, otherwise known as the Red light district, full of violence, homelessness, and substance abuse, and of course prostitution, . We were given the assignment to walk and pray for this area, and be open to having conversations with prostitutes. Not necessarily "preaching the gospel", but instead being it. Listening, loving, asking questions. Here is an excerpt from my journal entry after that activity.
"The five of us were walking up some street between leavington and ellis. The Tenderloin. Men and women sell their bodies for some more coke, a nice pair of boots, get a little attention.
We saw Delores sitting against a car looking like she was trying to sleep. We asked how she was doing. "Tired."she replied. Her lips were puffy and scarred, her breasts were sagging down to her stomach, which was bulging from the cancer. Her legs and arms were twitching, from withdrawals or years on the street. We talked. I could barely make out what she was saying. She dodged our gaze. I wondered what was wrong with her eyes. We prayed for her, touching her. How long had it been since someone lovingly touched her, expecting nothing in return. Jenny reminded her how beautiful she is, and was created to be. And the tears just broke loose from my eyes. O God, do you see her? she is a woman. Some people say that a woman's body is the most beautiful out of all the art in the world. But this body has been beaten down, attacked by cancer, abused by the street. And her soul has cried out so long and hard for you that it has forgotten what its crying for. It accepts anything that promises comfort. She has forgotten that she is beautiful. Or maybe she was never told. Because she is beautiful. worthy.pure.and worth dying for. She lives in this world of deceit, greed, and evil. Never resting. Never feeling safe. She sits here on the urinated sidewalk, as if its her rightful spot to lay down. She never asked us for anything.
We let her be and walked around the block into other encounters. But we found ourselves near her again, as we neared our pickup spot. She was standing this time. We stopped and talked some more. I still couldn't quite hear what she was saying. But I noticed how her eyes never met ours. I questioned why, some physical condition? not interested in talking to us?
Then they lifted, even as i was wondering. All the sudden she looked each one of us in the eyes and asked our names. and repeated them.
I realized what was wrong. Shame. It was weighting her eyelids down. But somehow we communicated that she was more than that. She didn't need to feel shame when talking with us. We weren't going to "save" her, condemn her, use her, or judge her. When she looked at me i saw her humanity, right along with mine. She thanked us for the conversation. Our bus pulled up, and we left.
I am lying here in the hostel bed, unable to release my thoughts into slumber. I can't stop thinking about how Delores used to be someones little beautiful 2 year old girl, full of energy and life. And now she is here.
Lord, restore her true identity. Take her form this place. Make her know her beauty again.
A few weekends ago we had a training in SF. We were dropped off in the "tenderloin" district,for exposure and team training experience, otherwise known as the Red light district, full of violence, homelessness, and substance abuse, and of course prostitution, . We were given the assignment to walk and pray for this area, and be open to having conversations with prostitutes. Not necessarily "preaching the gospel", but instead being it. Listening, loving, asking questions. Here is an excerpt from my journal entry after that activity.
"The five of us were walking up some street between leavington and ellis. The Tenderloin. Men and women sell their bodies for some more coke, a nice pair of boots, get a little attention.
We saw Delores sitting against a car looking like she was trying to sleep. We asked how she was doing. "Tired."she replied. Her lips were puffy and scarred, her breasts were sagging down to her stomach, which was bulging from the cancer. Her legs and arms were twitching, from withdrawals or years on the street. We talked. I could barely make out what she was saying. She dodged our gaze. I wondered what was wrong with her eyes. We prayed for her, touching her. How long had it been since someone lovingly touched her, expecting nothing in return. Jenny reminded her how beautiful she is, and was created to be. And the tears just broke loose from my eyes. O God, do you see her? she is a woman. Some people say that a woman's body is the most beautiful out of all the art in the world. But this body has been beaten down, attacked by cancer, abused by the street. And her soul has cried out so long and hard for you that it has forgotten what its crying for. It accepts anything that promises comfort. She has forgotten that she is beautiful. Or maybe she was never told. Because she is beautiful. worthy.pure.and worth dying for. She lives in this world of deceit, greed, and evil. Never resting. Never feeling safe. She sits here on the urinated sidewalk, as if its her rightful spot to lay down. She never asked us for anything.
We let her be and walked around the block into other encounters. But we found ourselves near her again, as we neared our pickup spot. She was standing this time. We stopped and talked some more. I still couldn't quite hear what she was saying. But I noticed how her eyes never met ours. I questioned why, some physical condition? not interested in talking to us?
Then they lifted, even as i was wondering. All the sudden she looked each one of us in the eyes and asked our names. and repeated them.
I realized what was wrong. Shame. It was weighting her eyelids down. But somehow we communicated that she was more than that. She didn't need to feel shame when talking with us. We weren't going to "save" her, condemn her, use her, or judge her. When she looked at me i saw her humanity, right along with mine. She thanked us for the conversation. Our bus pulled up, and we left.
I am lying here in the hostel bed, unable to release my thoughts into slumber. I can't stop thinking about how Delores used to be someones little beautiful 2 year old girl, full of energy and life. And now she is here.
Lord, restore her true identity. Take her form this place. Make her know her beauty again.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Thanksgiving part 2
moments laughing together
POtty training is rough when you are sick, we finally put her potty in front of the TV cause she was in there so much!
an update?
im not really in the mood. the stomach flu is taking it's toll on our family. But the nagging thought that i havent updated this blog in quite sometime keeps poppin up. But i have to say, i keep hearing from different people that they check our blog, and NO ONE COMMENTS, i would say this is my biggest "blog" pet peeve. I like to know you came by, what you think, etc. otherwise i am posting for myself, not alot of motivation there... PROPS to Kelli Mathison, one of my closest friends and most frequent blog commenters!
quick updates:
Arwyn- is talking a language we can't keep up with, her most frequent phrase ( other than "who dat?") is " oh my GOodness!"
- she is also potty trained, although yucky bathroom details from the stomach flu are interfering a bit, but i can officially say that she is a "toilet-minded"
Malachi- is walking, sprinting, climbing...
when Josiah got him up from his nap this morning he said "mama please". warms my heart...
- eats everything in site, even with a stomach flu ( course it doesn't stay down long...poor guy)
-testing his boundaries BIG TIME ( actually doing a lot of things Arwyn did at his age, noises and stuff.)
Josiah is eating raw vegetables daily, we both have a goal to get back to our engagement weight by spring... maybe i shouldn't have shared that...hmmmm... He worked himself over playing football with about 30 guys at our church yesterday. And being the wonderful husband that he is.
I am throwing a baby shower for best friend Tiffany Shelley (Gordon) this weekend, have my second to last training for my trip to Colombia in January, and having my Dad from Oregon visiting this weekend also.
cant think of much else to say at this time.
quick updates:
Arwyn- is talking a language we can't keep up with, her most frequent phrase ( other than "who dat?") is " oh my GOodness!"
- she is also potty trained, although yucky bathroom details from the stomach flu are interfering a bit, but i can officially say that she is a "toilet-minded"
Malachi- is walking, sprinting, climbing...
when Josiah got him up from his nap this morning he said "mama please". warms my heart...
- eats everything in site, even with a stomach flu ( course it doesn't stay down long...poor guy)
-testing his boundaries BIG TIME ( actually doing a lot of things Arwyn did at his age, noises and stuff.)
Josiah is eating raw vegetables daily, we both have a goal to get back to our engagement weight by spring... maybe i shouldn't have shared that...hmmmm... He worked himself over playing football with about 30 guys at our church yesterday. And being the wonderful husband that he is.
I am throwing a baby shower for best friend Tiffany Shelley (Gordon) this weekend, have my second to last training for my trip to Colombia in January, and having my Dad from Oregon visiting this weekend also.
cant think of much else to say at this time.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Arwynisms
With the help of a freind I bought Arwyn some much desired Uggs off of Craigs list. We went to get them today at a house in lincoln, and when i came back to the car, Arwyn said her phrase of the month.
A: who dat?
M: a lady I bought these boots from
A: Arwyn want to go talk to her
M: :)
We just completed our 5th day of Potty training and today was the frst day with not one accident! Yes, she is hooked on Chocolate, but her panties are dry:)And we are on our way, oh what a big Girl she is!
A: who dat?
M: a lady I bought these boots from
A: Arwyn want to go talk to her
M: :)
We just completed our 5th day of Potty training and today was the frst day with not one accident! Yes, she is hooked on Chocolate, but her panties are dry:)And we are on our way, oh what a big Girl she is!
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Rebecca_Linh Rodgers Photography
if you have looked to the right of my page at all and wondered about the photography site but not ventured there, now you have even more reason to. She is my highschool friend, and was visiting in Sac for a shoot, so she did a low key one with us , while we hung out in her mothers back yard. Look at my munchkins! aren't these pics great? click on the title of this post.
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