The search is on

Josiah woke me up this afternoon from a nightmare. He was on the computer next to me and heard me start to cry, in my sleep. I actually started to cry once i woke up. One from relief, and two from the horribleness of it. Basically in the dream, barring all the bizarre surrounding details, i gave birth premature to the new baby. It was in an egg like a normal chicken eggshell, but had a hole in the egg, but the rest was intact. Inside was my 12 week baby, who didn't make. I will spare you the dream after that point cause it was just gross and horrifying. But what had me crying was the fear that plagues any woman that has had a miscarriage, having another.

You must be guiltily snickering at this dream because of how the baby came out, or you might have overlooked that part and be sympathizing with my looming fears. Either way, I don't blame you. It was strange.

But I couldn't go to sleep after that so i got up and got on the Internet and started "googling" all my questions. We are taking a short trip to Agra tomorrow for a day of rest and swimming at a swanky hotel. My questioned googled was "why can't pregnant women go in the spa?" Just for my reassurance and information before i am faced with the temptation of it. I found this among all the opinions, to my horror. " its like boiling a hard boiled egg".

I quickly abandoned that search and started researching birthing in India. Shortly after we found out about baby number 4, we decided we would have it in India. Millions of women do it. Delhi has great medical care. I don't have complicated births, so far. But I know nothing of what is protocol here. Because its a different culture, they will do things differently. Like epidurals used to be routine for every women just 5 years ago, in the US. There will be things that are routine that are just "different". I want to be prepared for this. My knowledge of Indian Doctor's so far is that they tend to be condescending. The opinion in India, because of caste and so forth, is that Doctors know and you don't, so dint question and don't refuse. Well if any of you know me that just wont fly, If I differ in opinion. But on the flip side I don't want my last birth experience, and I do mean last, to be stressful from arguing profusely to get my wishes.

As I started reading different things and "attempting" to research what I was in for I came across this article, the third being my worst nightmare experience here. I also came across this birthing center called "The Cradle" that was the complete opposite of those stories and my mind was soon eased that if I got to one of these, I would safe and have a wonderful experience. But then I came to locations, and was sadly disappointed that they don't have one in Delhi. So then I started searching for birthing centers as apposed to hospitals and found nothing.

The problem is I am just not a researcher. It is not my strength. And if you are reading this and it is your strength and you feel compelled to research for me, I would be FOREVER grateful!