I HATE SIN!

sorry... this entry doesn't have any specific theme or topic, at least i don't feel that way. I just " need" to write and so i will. Maybe someone will enjoy it, maybe not.

and so whats on my mind tonight is " I HATE SIN!". I hung with a good Friend of mine today. And as I have made a habit of doing for quite some time I turn the radio off and pray for our time together. That it would be encouraging, uplifting, that God would use me, and also refine me through it. I felt led to pray that my "agenda" and " expectations" would melt away, though at the time i was praying i wasn't sure what those agenda or expectations were. In hindsight...i see.

we had a great conversation, she had some great advice, and we got into a conversation that i wasn't planning on. Not that anything was wrong with it I just had no intention of touching on that particular topic. But once we did, i pushed too far. I like to challenge people and help them process, but i am finding that in that blessing I can also cross the line. I like resolution, closure, a plan for change. And this is all great for circumstance in "my" life, but i cant impose that on others.

...so the topic got interrupted, and later i revisited it, because i wanted my closure. Before doing so, i felt the holy spirit nudging me to "shut up. leave it alone, you have challenged enough, let go of your expectations." hmmm... didn't I pray for that earlier?

Of course i dismissed that feeling and forged on with my agenda and ended up turning what could have just been a fun and encouraging but challenging time into a little tense, OK were done, time. I started thinking in the car, then worrying and feeling lame and insecure. I got home and apologized and discovered that my hunch was right and now i just feel sick to my stomach, i want to slap myself. Heidi, if you would just listen to your Counselor, you both could have left with a good taste in your mouth.

And so, I HATE SIN! your sin, their sin, but mostly MY sin. Its times like this that I am so happy to die and be in heaven regardless of what i would miss here on earth. Just so i could be in my final state of perfection, not hurting anyone and not experiencing the consequences of sin. and I'm only 27, I might have a ways to go...